Going the distance
Why a creative career is like running. Also: recommendations, links, and more.
CW: Eating Disorder mentioned in the intro essay
When I was 12, I I looked forward to district-wide track meets because it meant two things:
1.) Early dismissal from class (so that myself and other track team members could get to the meet in time.)
2.) A chance to oggle boys from other schools
I didn’t think much about the actual running portion because I was a sprinter. I knew that at the sound of the whistle, I would run as fast as I could, metal taste in my mouth, for a breezy 100m. Then, with the pass of a baton, I would be free to collapse in a puddle, lungs heaving, ready to do the aforementioned oggling with friends.
It was at these meets where I was introduced to the idea of endurance running. I would watch the 800m and 1200m girls running literal laps around me, their legs extending and bending to an unnaturally quick rhythm. Weren’t they tired? How did they keep going at that speed? And for so long?? I found it all astonishing and admirable.
Two years later, in the midst of an eating disorder, I thought I finally cracked the code. I went from someone who ran 100m to someone who ran 2km, then 5km, then 10km, then 10km twice a day. I dangled the proverbial carrot further and further out of reach, coaxing more out of myself and refusing rest (and water, and food TBH) until I achieved the mileage I had set in mind. I never stopped being a sprinter, I just trained myself to sprint for longer periods of time.
And while I’ve worked long and hard in therapy for the ED, the habit of discipline and endurance has stuck around, for better or for worse. I often joke with my partner- “No fun until the work is done!”, and I’m beginning to wonder how much of it is actually said in jest.
As I write this, I should be basking in my first “work-free” weekend of 2024. I put this in quotations because when you work for yourself, the definition of “work” gets a bit blurry. While it’s my first weekend not working on paid assignments; does packaging and shipping parcels count as “work”? What about penning this newsletter? (Technically unpaid but maybe it counts as “marketing” 🤔)
Or- even more nebulous- what about working on something that has a potential to add to my career?
If it sells….
If a publisher picks it up…
If, if if…
In my 10 years of self employment, I’ve learned to “weigh “everything with as much importance as work—whether it is revenue generating today, or professional development for the future. I add it all to my ongoing to-do list and schedule it into my calendar, just to make sure everything gets done.
The danger of this however, is that in this light, everything starts to look like “work”. And as a result, nothing feels like rest. The proverbial carrot is dangled even further out of reach.
The other day, I had a rousing thought: At this current moment in time, I will have to work the equivalent of my years on this earth (33) before I can “retire”. I’ve only been in the work force for about 10 years, and I’m already exhausted. How can I do this for another 3x what I’ve already done? I think back to 12 year old Neets, bewildered by the endurance runners. How do I keep going at this speed?
I’m no longer a runner (bad knees and ankles from years of poor footwear and concrete) but humour me as I tidily wrap this analogy up with a bow. I’ve never run a marathon but I hear that you don’t train for it by giving your 100%, 100% of the time. You also don’t run a marathon straight out of the gate. (Unless you’e my partner doing a Disneyland marathon for the first time- fuelled by adrenaline, Coca Cola, and Mickey Mouse.) Instead, you train with plenty of rest days, walk breaks, and those squeezy pouches full of gellified liquid. Periods of work, met with periods of rest.
I realize now that I was running a marathon, with a sprinter’s mind.
Which means, if I’m going to keep doing this work for the next 30+ years, I’m going to have to learn to pace myself.
I've decided I'd like to commit to being the most informal on Patreon (versus IG or substack or youtube)-- which feels a little terrifying as appearing unpolished is every Libra's nightmare.
Some examples of Patreon-exclusive content:
Plus the usual:
(New!) Biweekly/bimonthly updates on things in process, life and work, candid thoughts, etc. If you like the tone of this newsletter, you would be into this!
Download files for some new artwork (available for purchase at this link, or included in the Patreon membership)
A bonus Soft Sunday comic
The latest sketchbook walkthrough
Want access to the items mentioned above? You can join for as little as $3/ month below.
*crickets*
Remember when I said I wanted to do a monthly Youtube video? 😬 February went by in a blur. I have the next few video ideas planned so if you’re interested in:
Seeing some scenes from my upcoming “How to Grow Flowers” zine
Hearing about my flower growing journey (including growing my own wedding flowers!)
Seeing a new studio walkthrough/ lil chat about the home reno process
Be sure to subscribe to Youtube as that’s all coming down the pipeline!
*more crickets*.
Okay, in my defense, this last month was full of completing Yearbook Club 2023 artwork so I poured allllll my creative juices there. 100+ Illustrations later, I’m excited to get back to a regular rhythm and get back to my sketchbook practice!
I’m the kind of person that has to start things on an even/ round number so I’m thinking of kicking off my next Sketchbook “challenge” on Mar 21st. In the meantime, some other snippets of creative life below:
I recently finished Death Valley by Melissa Broder and loved how weird and beautiful it was. I’m now on to Land of Milk and Honey by C Pam Zhang, which sits at an intersection of sensual food writing/ a dystopian future.
As for kids books, my nieces are really getting into wordier books. The Magicians was a wild and engrossing tale they enjoyed. On the lighter side of things, Housecat Troubles was their first graphic novel and a super cute one to boot.
Never not listening to podcasts over here. Radio Atlantic has been really interesting, especially their episode on when to quit therapy. As for audiofiction, I was totally sucked in to Motherhacker, and Homecoming (Ross Geller David Schwimmer is part of the cast!). If you want something that feels like the equivalent of watching The OC— but in audio format— you might like The Royals of Malibu. It’s giving cringey teen romance, but the sound artists worked overtime in creating an immersive soundscape.
Late to the game but Poor Things is a total visual treat. Do. Not. Miss.
Sharing some articles, links and other things on the internet that I found interesting or delightful:
The discourse around documenting your life. I have a lot of thoughts/ feelings around memory, its fallibility, and how revisiting photos impacts our memory of a moment. They aren’t fully formed thoughts yet so for now, enjoy this piece on finding creativity in liminal moments:
The most interesting transformations happen in liminal spaces, but it’s easy for your new self to forget where you came from and the details of your journey. In the words of Salman Rushdie: “Never forget that writing is as close as we get to keeping a hold on the thousand and one things — childhood, certainties, cities, doubts, dreams, instants, phrases, parents, loves — that go on slipping, like sand, through our fingers.” Whether it’s through words or images, publicly or privately — take the time to capture your own story.”And then this piece on why you don’t need to document everything in your life.
I think if this generation is on track to regret anything it will be the time we wasted documenting and editing and filtering and marketing ourselves for social media. Time we will never get back. My bet is we won’t look back at our hundreds of thousands of Instagram Stories and Snapchats and Boomerangs with fondness that we filmed these moments, but with aching regret that we didn’t fully feel them.
And this last one which feels like a more measured take on documenting our lives for social media.
“There’s a gap between virtual reality and reality… I have friends who have over a million followers, and they’re still living paycheck to paycheck. They can barely afford their bills. There has been no other time in history where you could have a million people who have decided to follow you, who watch what you say and do on a daily basis, and still be completely materially broke.”
To whistle better, you don’t want mushy lips.
Okay, one more about our unlimited access to photos and how it affects us. This piece on being the first generations to really see ourselves age via selfies.
There is far less research on the long-term effect of this behaviour: how taking and sharing selfies over a period of decades affects a person’s perception of aging or time itself. Women around my age—those of us who live on the line between baby Gen X and elder millennial—are watching our identities shift in real time in a way no previous generation has experienced en masse.
This hilarious piece on why you should never paint someone else’s baby.
And lastly, linoleum flooring is cool, and this is why. (The faded yellow tile print definitely reminds me of my grandma- so much so that it made its way into an illustration I made last year!)
Pace yourself, baby! 🩷