2023- Who is she?
On the passage of time, capturing moments, and a year of illustrations.
I’m not sure if it was due to copious amounts of peer-pressured drinking or just good ol’ trauma disassociation; but I noticed a few years ago that I have a LOT of trouble remembering moments from the ages of 18-25. Over dinner, long-time girlfriends will often laugh nostalgically about various shenanigans— “remember that time when ______???” and, quite honestly, I don’t. Looking back at it now, it is a bit unsettling to know that I walked through years of my life in a fuzzy haze.
In part because of that, and also for other reasons; I started two daily practices in 2021: a daily gratitude dump and a daily doodle. While the gratitude was to try and re-train my broken brain to see the positives in life (broken via years of undiagnosed PMDD and “high functioning” depression); the doodle was an opportunity for me to consciously note down a moment from the day that I would like to remember.
Some days were certainly easier than others.
Weekends? No biggie.
But a regular Tuesday?
Especially one where I’ve been glued to my desk all day working?
A bit trickier.
Nevertheless, forcing myself to see a memorable moment, even in the most mundane, has helped my mood stay buoyant amidst what has been very tumultuous, very full-on years.
And as like with any other muscle, it does get easier with practice.
Nowadays, memorable moments can be big things: A friend trying on a wedding dress, or taking my nieces to Disney on Ice. But also little things: using our Air Fryer for the first time or visiting a new bookstore.
If you, like me, arrive at the end of the year- hair askew and body skidding to a stop just in time for Christmas, you may also find yourself uttering the words “Wow, (insert month here) just flew by!” That still feels very real and true; but when I take the time to reflect at the end of each month— I’m able to note just how full the month has been. In fact, it didn’t fly by. It was lived, fully, with many beautiful highs, devastating lows, and topsy turvy moments in between.
It’s also not just about the present day presence. You know that feeling where your arm goes numb and when you go to move it- it feels like a totally alien experience? You consciously know that it’s your limb, but there is a strange disconnect. Looking back at my January 2023 doodles feels a bit like that. I’m peering into the life of a removed version of me— someone I no longer am.
Just 12 months ago, I was really into one pot recipes and was worrying about selling our apartment. I was happy to dance and spend time with my nieces (still am), and I was feeling heavy-hearted to know that I would be saying goodbye to our apartment and goodbye to my lil beat up car in the same month. With the fresh eyes of December 2023, I want to reach back and tell past me that everything will turn out OK.
And isn’t that what journaling is good for? To give us an opportunity to step back in time and look at our past selves- their hopes and fears- with the wisdom of today. To see a clear starting point on the horizon and note just how far we’ve come.
I was inspired to create The Yearbook Club after seeing my sister, who is a busy mom of two, start a photo journal in January, get caught up with life, and then find herself having to “catch up” with journal entries at the end of the year.
If this sounds familiar, know that it is! It is honestly such a common story amongst folks and NOT something to feel ashamed about. We have honest and hopeful intentions that get swept to the side once commitments pile up and time start to slip away from us.
I have a hypothesis that this is why we journal or scrapbook.
To try and freeze time. To feel like we have some semblance of control over it, because we know, in reality, we don’t. It will march on, unrelentingly, and we can decide whether or not we want to be an active participant.
The Yearbook Club is my attempt to make it a little easier for you. I figured- If I could hold your hand throughout the year (metaphorically) to help document time; then perhaps you’ll feel more present in your life’s moments as they’re happening, rather than simply witnessing them once they’ve passed.
Hopefully, you can tell that this project is very near and dear to me. If you want to learn more about what The Yearbook Club is and what it entails, you can click on the button below.